Sunday, May 13, 2012

    Exhausted.  I am exhausted.

    What has this week proved?
   
    It has proved I have no resolve.  It’s proved life can manipulate me in whatever way it chooses.  I am malleable.  Amorphous.  Weak.

I sleep fully clothed when I sleep alone.

These chilly mornings are the most pleasant moments of my days.  Nothing is happening.  The world hasn’t started yet.  My world.  My terror.  

And I’m still trying to get things right.  Always.  Always trying to get things right.

And maybe this is a poor perspective.  Maybe it’s best to let things flow.  Maybe it’s best to move with the current instead of against it.

I couldn’t tell you, really.  My decisions have delivered me here.

Pounding away on this crummy laptop because I need to distract myself from the fact that my life has not turned out the way I planned, and I do nothing to remedy that situation.

Are these all lies?

Too tired.  Much too tired.

I speak with Her yesterday.  She says she doesn’t remember this week.  It’s simply not there for Her.

I tell Her that’s probably for the best.  

It wasn’t too great anyway. 

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