Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I was in China once. I received a phone call. One of the translators told me so while I was in the forest.

Justin, phone call, she said.

And I was so excited. I knew who it was. I knew.

So I sprinted up the hill. Across the courtyard. Up the stairs. Through the doors into the lobby. To the red phone on the wall.

I was panting when I answered. With electricity in my voice, I answered.

Hello, I said.

It's bad news, she said.

And I knew the rest from there. Everyone knows the rest from there.

So I hung up the phone. I walked out, to the edge of the hilltop, I walked out. I clenched my fists. Dug my toes in the dirt. Gritted my teeth. Glared out at the smoggy sky and cursed all I knew to curse. Cursed it all. Spewed anger from my being. Exploded with rejected energy.

A few minutes later I walked, shaking, to the nearby shop. Grabbed a beer and sat at a table. The owner was there knitting a pair of socks. She asked if I needed any. I told her no.

No, I don't need any socks.

And now I'm in Maryland. Rejected and in Maryland. Dejected. Discarded. Put down. All in Maryland.

And it feels no different. The feeling still burns within my chest. Still pulsates and bubbles within my veins.

I'm still punctured and bleeding. I'm still alive and dying. Still here and parting.

It doesn't matter where you are. Life will find you. It will find you and it will tear you to shreds.

It will leave you bare and cold.

And my Mother always tells me to write such happy things on here.

Oh well, ok.

Sent from my iPhone

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